This is part 2 of our Life Development Series: #Selfies
One of the things I pride myself on is being physically fit…and I mean fit, which, for me, is less than 15% body fat, a healthy diet, great pecs, shapely biceps and a firm backside. Not to mention, my eyebrows would be arched, but masculine and sexy and my head would be shaved and shiny, lips licked and pursed…I’d look like the main character from Lee Hayes’ Passion Marks, Kevin (and if you haven’t read it, it’s free 2-day shipping on Amazon Prime).
Anyway, I remember my first week moving back to Atlanta and I posted many, many pics on various social media apps, showing off my physique. I got several hits on these apps from a plethora of handsome and virile (you guys like that word, huh?!) men. I remember talking to this one guy, who I sat at the right hand of the Father. I mean, physically, he was amazing and had the most beautiful hazel, brown eyes, perfect teeth, among other wonderful body parts (I’m ok with sharing this). And, of course, my ego was stroked that he could actually carry on a conversation. And then, it happened…
We chatted for days before sharing pics…great convo, politics, music, movies, sports (yes sports!). And, so, I asked for pics…pics are like a credit check “before you buy the car! Amen!
So, I saw the pics…I was like “Boy, I will put you on my insurance and we ain’t even met.” Yes, I said it. And, then I sent mine. And, y’all know, you try to go through to the sexiest pics you have, so you can send them. So, I got 4 good pics…I mean “my mama would be proud”. I sent them, kinda nervously, but sent them, thinking I would get a “Damn boy, you sexy af” or “I wanna see more!”
Instead, I was blocked. 4 days of conversing, 96 hours, 900 gay hours, and I was gonna put him on my Blue Cross, Blue Shield of GA good insurance. And, he blocked me. And I had many thoughts—like damn, am I ugly? Fat? Is my head shaped funny? My legs not muscular enough? Like what’s wrong with me? This person on the other end of the phone or iPad or whatever device hit block…like he don’t wanna talk no mo! Ever, Bye, Adios!
I was shocked and hurt…kinda angry with myself…often times we base our self-esteem, self-worth, confidence and hopes in getting approval by those who sit behind a computer or electronic device. Hoping they will give us a like or 2 or 3…or a heart or comment on our pictures or give us some sort of affirmation that we are everything we pretend to be. Yes, I said that too. Rather than vilify us, we want that praise, that adoration from strangers, from friends, from exes and exes’ new boos…I’m preaching, but I’m on it!
Social media is a crutch…it’s a façade. It chews you up and spits you out and won’t care about you after you’re dead and gone. No one is gonna ask, “Well, who liked him on social media or how many likes did he get on that pic or was his ass at a good angle?” No, social media won’t care. It will look show case the next picture or the next younger, sexier person. Before we let social media or those who live behind its fictitious curtains control our lives and tell us who we are or who we aren’t, allow us to examine our authenticity and why we really need that affirmation. As Mr. Brandon Dye once said, “Let’s get back to the true us, our true self…the person who we were before people started to telling us we weren’t good enough.
Since I shared mine, tell me your thoughts or share your story.
Aaron J. Kimble AKA Dr. K, AKA Chocolate Daddy AKA He Ain’t Finish With Me Yet, AKA GQ